Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas is just an orgy of consumerism! It should be called Ca$hmas!

Alright Christmas is over. It is officially "return the useless shit people got you" day!! I couldn't be any more happy to see Christmas go this year!
Every year its gets more and more expensive! I'm fed up with the insanity that takes over the nation at this time of year! Everywhere you turn there are commercials showing the latest Christmas must have items/ gadgets & presents for our loved ones which hassle most of us into spending large unnecessary sums of money!

The birth of Christ has nothing to do with Christmas anymore and i know its been this way for a long time but its finally slapped me in the face. And what used to be my favourite time of year may just have been ruined. There is more traffic which i hate, im always late and this makes me even more late. There are longer lines everywhere, restaurants, supermarkets etc..... which is more than trying my patience because it takes forever to get through. & worst of all I spend way too much and at the end of the day have nothing to show!
There is also an increase in crime and as result i lost a relative 3 days ago. Gunmen robbed and shot him. As a well known business he has always been a target. He gets robbed all the time but on Thursday, he died unfortunately. Even though we were not very close it still hurts & more so when i think about his family. I can't imagine what they must be going through. It cant be easy to loose your husband/ father 3 days before Xmas.

I'm not an overly religious person and to be quite frank Christmas for me never had anything much to do with Christ. It was always about presents, xmas dinner and getting a break from school. But this year, not even those things are at all appealing to me.
I've come to the sad realisation that Christmas is now just a tool used by the government and those in power to entice people into working all the hours God gives them in the hope of achieving the Christmas dream, which mostly involves a comfy christmassy house and expensive presents.
Therefore this year, i took a stand and refused to give into the orgy of consumerism. I didn't buy anyone any gifts. All of my loved ones got hugs and prayers. These are the things we need most these days!!

I'm not against having a good time and enjoying the seasons festivities. I just wish people didn't do it in excess and remembered and appreciate the real meaning of Christmas!
I think its meaning is what we make it. Christmas shouldn't be about tacky decorations, stupid plastic Santas & presents!!  Lets make it less materialistic and less commercial. Lets make it a time for peace, love, family and togetherness.
                                               MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

                                                                             Stiff Upper Lip xxx

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Vaginal breath mint anyone???

I'm sure its no secret that many of us women like receiving oral sex and often wish it lasted longer than it usually does but its also no secret that it leaves many of us with a feeling self consciousness. This I know for sure, women talk & we talk a lot.
Well with the introduction of LINGER, there is no need to be uncomfortable anymore.
Linger is a tiny tablet made with natural ingredients that is inserted into the vagina to create a clean peppermint taste for up to 2 hours.
Linger adds promise to remove any self doubt in women and allow for increase overall oral sex quality and length.

Hmmm well while this seems to be a nice product, i will have to decline, since i don't need it. My vagina already tastes like a cool crisp winter breeze. Not to mention smells like a batch of fresh clouds on a beautiful sunny day! Assuming clouds would smell heavenly!
Now i could list a number of my own reasons why i think this idea blows but instead will post some comments made by a number of people who i would love to give big hugs for sharing my thoughts!!

                        I hope you guys Enjoy these as much i did!!!!

This product seems redundant to me. Am I the only one who douches with Listerine? Oh and when are they coming out with the companion ball wipes?

This is such a stupid idea! However, if they could make it into a chocolate sundae flavor...
Now whenever I kiss my girlfriend with minty breath she is going to be wondering what my tongue has been up to.

WHO the fuck would WANT a 'vaginal candy'? That's just stupid! Just another product promoting the idea that vaginas are dirty and smelly. Fuck that noise.
(Vagina + sugar ) This is not going to end well.

"Removes any self-doubt" sounds a little too "let's promote extra vagina shame!" for me. I don't hear men plotting to dangle air fresheners off of *their* junk, so, yeah, there we have it. Also, my coworker just added: "You gotta wonder about the rejected flavors, right?" Causing us to brainstorm for the last several minutes on what said rejected flavors might be.    
Barbecue?  Cool ranch?  Buffalo chicken?  Pad Thai?  New car scent?
Peppermint Pussy!
Cranberry Coochie!
Blackberry Bush!
Cinnalingus!
Gingersnatch!
Sizzlin' Strawberry Slit!

Peppermint Patties or Peppermint Pussies, what a choice! Does it guarantee that my girlfriend will let me watch football in peace? If so, call me Mr. Fresh Breath.

Dear women: the natural state of your body is off-putting. Ergo, you do not deserve to have oral sex performed on you unless you make your cunt into a breath mint.

Are my vagina teeth not clean enough?

Maybe they could go in the other direction as well, and make vagina flavored mouth mints for those of us who can't get enough of the flavor....That was the first time I have ever had to specify that mints are intended for the mouth as opposed to another orifice.


I think the important thing to remember here is that there was not just one, but a SERIES of board meetings where people in suits sat around looking gloomy while trying to seriously come up with:

1) a new product concept where: "vaginal flavoring" was one of the viable contenders;

2) product research and testing was not only funded, but procedures and quantitative studies enacted, complete with surveys;

3) focus groups and test markets were researched, selected, tested, and thoroughly interviewed most likely with before, during and after images (the most frequently noted question being "will this turn my tongue green?" apparently no one bothered to ask the female participants of any concerns they may have had;

4) marketing and public relations were brought in to discuss the market value, cross-demographic appeal, and appropriate vehicles for communicating the benefits of the product, wherein "snarky blogs" surfaced as a POSITIVE idea.
Clearly, this company's stock is rising.



"Linger: allowing women to linger on thoughts of inadequacy and sexual shame longer" or "Don't worry straight ladies, you'll never have to give a blow job again because he'll be too busy and there's no way he'll shove that up his shaft!
These comments are brought to you as a result of mock marketing research done by the church of Scientology!!! Courtesy of  "Sex and the Windy City" at CHICAGO NOW.com
                       I couldn't have said it better!!     


If you don't find these comments funny and you actually support "team Linger".....YOU SUCK!                                                   
                                                                          Stiff Upper Lip xxx

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Decorate your Cooter if you must!!!

The new ways to decorate ones lady parts!!     
                                             What will they come up with next??


VAJAZZLING, is the act of having rhinestones or swarovski crystals applied to ones waxed vagina.
Okay so i know what you guys must be thinking....... that i'm not just a little BUT a LOT late. Well i'm not, i just didn't think the "vajazzling" trend would catch on, on the island, but i hear more and more young women talking more and more about it. I will admit that it is kinda cute but a no no for me. However if you guys want to decorate your privates with little crystals then go for it.

As far as i'm concerned, i don't think our vaginas are that attractive in the first place and any attempt to jazz them up makes it even worse. So Vajazzling my snatch would be like putting blush and eyeliner on my pet dragon. lol
The last thing i want is some dude staring up my cooter during sex, therefore adding accessories, would only attract more unwanted attention, and is the last thing i need!!!!!
Another thing, its not cheap and i am. It can range anywhere from US$50 to $115 and only lasts for about 5 days or even less time due to the friction during sex. Plus i keep cringing at the thought of potential condom tearage depending on how far down the jewels extend AND the ingrown hair situation especially with the glue and crystals blocking new growth. :-/

But whatever, at the end of the day i don't judge and i don't care what you do with your vajayjays. If sparkly bits make you happy then vajazzle away && OH before i forget its not just a" female thing" anymore more, as more men are getting in on the action. Penazzling is catching on. Hahahahahaa i won't get into that!!
                                                                 VATOOING


VATOOING, is a temporary tatoo that gets spray painted on your lady parts And the most recent way to make your vaj fancy with all sorts of shapes and colours. It costs $115 and lasts for seven days during which you should try to avoid friction.
Vatooing i like much better than vajazzling but i have more important things to spend my money on, like shoes & make up!!!!!
                                                        
                                                                      Stiff Upper Lip xxx